One of the most insidious aspect to the perpetual assault on people of color, and women is the continuation of myths and lies about who we are, how we became in this culture, and the justification of injustice and violence against us. While we have come to expect lies from racists, fascists, white supremacists, conservatives, religious ignorants, and political bigots, it does not make it more palatable to hear the president of these United States of America tell us we are responsible for our conditions. Despite assertions that we are not smart enough to be angry about the lack of health care, educational opportunities, jobs, police violence, urban violence, mistreatment in every system including the penal system; we are indeed angry about our conditions and your refusal to acknowledge your culpability.
The effects of racism, sexism, xenophobia, and bigotry of any kind are not lies. What is a lie is your fabrication of what happened in Charlottesville, Dakota Pipeline, and all of the living-while-Black and Female murders. Shifting focus and blame on someone else is as old as the beginning of the world. In fact, it has its genesis in the very evil that is in the world.
Adam said, “I am not guilty because of this woman you gave me.” Women have been beaten and killed because someone said, “she made me do it”, “she deserved it”, and “if she hadn’t…” When we ran away from slavery, we deserved the beating. Looking at a white woman, we deserved the lynching. Re-defining ourselves to be Black and Proud, renaming ourselves as African Americans, electing a President who is Black, or fighting for injustice all resulted in our punishment and death. The bottom line has always been it’s our fault that we are Black, poor, woman, Latina, and Native American.
The necessity of my sanity, the level of my disintegration causes a re-assimilation of me. I no longer yearn to be in order with you if that means out of order with me. Your definition of self, identification of perfect, standard for wholeness holds me hostage to your declaration of my totality. My dissolution is over no more conformance to an impossible normalcy or acceptance of other’s idiosyncraticism of my color, hips, and hair. My beauty, belief and behavior are all now self-defined. Desiring no recognition at my rejection, I am finally in order with myself and with God which may make me out of order with you, others and your lies.
*The Existence of my Existence: ©2007 annehenningbyfield