WHEN YOU ARE THE BULLY!!!

Several years ago, I held a girls’ conference.  One of the prerequisites for their participation was to have references from a teacher, a friend, and a religious or community leader.  One of the best sets of references we received was for a 14-year-old. She was identified as bright, caring, kind, pretty on the inside and outside, and gracious.  

In the interview, the young lady said she was mean, ugly, had a nasty attitude, unlikeable and unlovable.  We were surprised at her self-loathing particularly when her references were the opposite. One of the interviewers was a mental health specialist who met with her privately.  This gifted young lady expressed that her mother died when she was nine years of age. Neither her father or his parents wanted her, nor did her mother’s parents because they were too old to become her guardian.  They finally did and told her how she was difficult to manage, had mean ways like her father, and that she wasn’t pretty.  They said it enough that she quoted it like it was true. Everyone else saw a beautiful young lady who was self-bullying.

Some would argue that we cannot self bully.  Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power through repeated verbal, physical and/or negative behavior that can cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. People can be victimized so much by bullying that they commit suicide or live a life believing these words and repeating them.   This young lady did.  We do the same.

How do we do so?   One example is never fully appreciating your gifts and visions.  You readily see them in others but diminish who you are and what you do.  People give you words of encouragement or good criticism, and you don’t see it for yourself.

You create a great craft, but you only see the mistakes, a small flaw that is magnified yet others cannot see it.  You keep setting higher standards for yourself so much that you cannot meet them and when you don’t meet a high and impossible standard, you decide you are a failure.  While perfection is not an easy word to describe or become, self-bullies never see what they do as perfect even if it is an A-rated work.

Self-bullies become victims of childhood experiences and continued comparison.   These actions can cause stress and sometimes mental health challenges that we may not recognize or characterize as having to do with mental health.

Recognize the words you say about yourself and when you say them.  Hear them and how negative they sound. Stop it when you hear it.   Much like in person you name the bully, name them now. Call them what they are: Mr. Perfect, or Ms. Correct, then quote 2 Corinthians 10:4-6, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.”

We must actively fight against these words and arguments we say to ourselves.  We must stop them when we say them and punish these thoughts with what God has said.   While it is that simple, it is not that simple.  It requires work to undo what has been. 

It must be said over and over:

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I am more than conquerors.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

We have been made to believe that affirming oneself is vanity.  No, it is life, and it is a word.  Today and every day when you are the bully over your own lives, stop the bully in you.  Ignore it, repudiate it, and declare the truth of who you truly are.

You are a created image of God who can do all things.  Nothing is impossible to those who believe. I believe in God, I believe God I believe in me, I will create; I will walk in peace, I will be able to handle the ups and downs.   The vision will be realized because I am God’s child and God’s Spirit lives in me.